Last Day Thoughts

Here is my last HELP of Ojai Community Bulletin write up, but not my last blog post!

As I reflect on my internship at the HELP of Ojai Community Assistance Program (CAP) I think of how hard it is to leave this community. I am forever grateful to everyone for the welcome I received and the relationships that were built through this program.  I have enjoyed working daily in the office as a case manager, as well as the major projects of the Thanksgiving Boxes, Holiday Adopt-A-Family Project and Ojai Food Project.  You all have taught me many lessons I will take with me and am sharing with you the three I feel are most important.

1. You cannot make decisions for anyone else.  As clients came into the office to ask for help, I quickly realized it was not my decision on what each one did or did not do.  It was not my role to take control of their lives, but to assist and help as each one tried taking steps to helping themselves.  I helped fill out the paperwork, but it’s the clients’ choice to mail the application and comeback with follow-up paperwork.  The hardest part of this lesson came in advocating for clients in the medical field, as I tried to bridge the gap between medical professionals and clients.  Having to explain to the doctor why the plan they laid out will not work for a homeless client, while at the same time explaining to the client how they will have to be willing to do things differently got frustrating when nobody wanted to compromise.

2. People can tell when you are being sincere.  Whether I was assisting in handing out lunches to our homeless clients or doing an intake for Adopt-A-Family, I learned that to reach people you have to be sincere in your actions and words.  People can tell if you want to actually hear how they are doing or if it just a formality that you go through when someone sits down at the desk.  It was important for me to convey to every client that I was sincere in helping them and their responses were good reminders for me to check my words and actions while in their presence.

3.  A community can lift you up.  I have seen countless examples of this community lifting each other up.  In grief I have seen people comforting and reassuring each other that they can work through this together.  During Adopt-A-Family I had the pleasure in calling clients that were on the waiting list because donors continued to come forward to help families in need during the holiday season.  I have answered too many phone calls to count of friends calling to report on other friends because they were concerned about them.

Thank you again for being a part of my experience and I hope that our paths will cross soon!

When Buying Cigarettes Made My Day

HELP of Ojai has been working with a client that has had unstable housing for the past two months.  This client has recently broken a bone and cannot be living on the street due to the where the bone is and the amount of pain it causes.  Several housing opportunities in Ojai and other cities have come and gone due to uncontrollable circumstances and the client ended up back at the CAP Office yesterday.

After spending the day getting immediate needs met, including a very important doctor's appointment, we sent the client to where he would be staying for the night.  The next day we thought we would be able to set the wheels in motion for this client to get into skilled nursing on Friday, but in the afternoon we started making phone calls to the different agencies and found that nothing had happened.  The release form signed the previous day was the wrong one and skilled nursing couldn't get the right information from the doctor's office.  The doctor's office didn't let the client or us know that another form had to be signed, so we were in the same spot as the day before and looking at at least one night of homelessness.

Frustration sets in and we do everything that is asked of us to help move forward.  At the small recap we had at the office afterwards, question after question was of why.  Why did doctor's office not give us the correct release form?  Why did nobody contact us when they found a new release form needed to be signed?  Why did they not have the client sign the release form at the doctor's appointment the day before?  Why, why, why?

During all this we acted professional, but tried to convey the importance and urgency of the situation.  Karen describes it as being a kind pit bull.  I love this terminology because you want to be a strong advocate for your client, but you also don't want to hinder them by making people angry and not wanting to help you.

So on my way to pick up our client to bring him to the doctor's office, I stop and get him two packs of cigarettes.  I know! I know! I don't endorse this, but now is not the time to talk about quitting.  As I purchase the cigarettes (legal age is 18 until next month) and the guy asks for my ID.  I give it to him and he looks at it and puzzles over it.  He then says, "Wow, I would have never guessed!".  Praise, praise!  So in the middle of all the whys and being a kind pit bull, I figured out how buying cigarettes can make my day.

No Words Can Describe Joshua Tree

I apologize for how terrible this post is.  No words can describe the beauty of Joshua Tree and the overwhelming feeling this place brought me.

This past weekend my community had the opportunity to experience Joshua Tree National Park.  It was incredible!  The scenery during the day and at night is indescribable.

We drove in at night, the sky covered in stars.  It was hard to keep my eyes on the road because I wanted to keep looking out and up.  The road was so dark while driving, that often times I felt like I was driving into a black hole and wouldn't realize the road was dipping down.  The sky was opposite of the black hole driving.  The stars were numerous and bright.  They lit up and cast shadows on the surrounding area, as if all the Joshua Trees we passed were alive.

Having driven into camp at night, waking up and seeing the sun, boulders, and sky took my breath away.  I couldn't believe the vastness of the land.  The rock mountains stretched all around and were directly behind our campsites.  There were numerous trails to hike and I wish I could've spent at least a week there to do them all.  We did a short hike in the morning, but it ended up taking awhile because you are able to climb the rocks/boulders/mountains.

The fellowship of the trip made it that much more enjoyable for everyone.  Karen and Paula deserve the biggest shout out for organizing and putting everything together.  It was nice to spend time with people from work in a more relaxed setting.  It was great to talk with former AV and HELP intern Bridget, along with all the friends that she brought with her.

I am so thankful to be in a place that allows us to have new experiences that rejuvenate the soul and outlook on life.

Disappointment Has a Name, It's Heartbreak

I have been working with a client for the past few months that is an alcoholic. Most of it has been great.  He is a very honest person, always lets me know where he stands, and doesn't give me a lot of bull shit or excuses for his behavior. I appreciate all of that.

When he first started coming to HELP of Ojai again, he straight up told me he had no intention of stopping drinking. He had tried all the programs and hated them, he had tried cold turkey before, he had managed to stay sober for a few months one time, but when it was said and done he wasn't going to stop drinking. We set goals dealing with other issues and talked about the consequences of him
showing up to the office drunk. Although he missed a few appointments and got stuck in other cities twice, he always reappeared and worked towards his other goals.

One day he came in and said he stopped drinking cold turkey. Although I was incredibly proud of him for his decision, it's also very dangerous for your body to go through withdraw and you should be under medical care to help manage side effects. Every time he came in the entire office congratulated him on a job well done. He was staying sober through a lot of pain, we were impressed. He was putting his ego aside and acknowledging the struggles he was going through. He was turning down alcohol at the place he was staying, making decisions to leave the house early to not be tempted. We made follow-up doctor's appointments, continued to talk about his other goals, and planned for his upcoming probation hearing.

He told me if he got probation, he would opt to go to jail for the 60 days. I 100% agreed and prayed that he would get 60 days in jail. That would have been 60 days of not sleeping on the streets or in a place that was covered in temptation. That would have been 60 days away from all his friends that did nothing to encourage his soberness. That would have been 60 days where he could have focused on himself. I never thought I would pray so much for someone to go to jail.

18 days. That's how long he lasted sober. He thought he was going to jail and had a drink with breakfast. I tried to hide my disappointment on my face and tell him how much I appreciate his honesty. My heartbreaks when I see how he is acting differently. The neuro cognitive problems that alcoholism causes are present. We have a brief chat, as I know he can't handle a lot at that moment. We continue to keep our doctor's appointments for this week. I find myself adding on prayers of not
only strength and healing for him, but ones of memory and not drinking before the appointment. I rack my brain for what I could have done better as a case manager and make notes for next time. I research all that I can about alcoholism and neuro cognitive function. I gently remind myself that I am not the choice maker, this is not about me. My disappointment and heartbreak is for me, while my positivity, tough love, and encouragement are for him.

Becoming Old

Everyone deals with becoming old differently.  Some people do it with a smile, others are grouchy, many face types or stages of dementia, and there are a lot of awful illnesses and responsibility that comes with becoming old.

One of my favorite client's is constantly teaching me how to survive life with a sense of humor and snappy wit.  He has a major health problem and knows he is dying.  He does his best to keep the small amount of health he has left by exercising daily and continuing to be engaged in life.

He tells us stories about the old days of Ojai and his experience of living in the area most of his life.  He shares his whole self with us and never misses an opportunity to crack a joke.  He is always honest about how he is feeling; telling us he feels okay, but would like to trade in his body or that it's been a terrible morning and he's ready to be taken out by a truck.  He complains about the pains of getting old, with a quick smile and tip of his hat to us.  He is gracious in the help he receives and never overlooks an opportunity to talk about all the wonderful people that are in his life.

My favorite times with him are when he takes the rare opportunity to brag about himself.  He is a very talented artist and has been in shows around the world.  He has been featured in books, magazines and newspapers.  Every once in awhile I will catch the glimmer in his eyes when he is about to show me something incredible. Sometimes it is an article about him that someone saved for him, other times it's a painting he wants to show off that he did 50 years ago or 2 months ago.

He truly is a gem and I am so thankful that I have him as a constant reminder that I can't take life seriously.  After all, nobody gets out of it alive.

The Sun Will Rise

The final shot falls through the net and my heart stops.  I couldn't speak, I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything.  It was a heartbreaker and I could barely watch the TV as they show the devastated and defeated looks of Paige, Johnson, and the rest of the UNC team.  I loved this team and have the utmost respect for the players and coaches.  It has been a rough few years in Chapel Hill and these boys toughed it out when many wouldn't or didn't.  It was not supposed to end this way for them.  I was supposed to see my team cut down the nets.  I was supposed to see my team smiling ear to ear.  I was supposed to see my team with the last shot on One Shining Moment. My Dad reminded us all that tomorrow the sun will rise.  

The sun will rise in Cary, NC.  The sun will rise in Atlanta, GA.  The sun will rise in Denham Springs, LA.  The sun will rise in Ventura, CA.  These were all the locations my family watched the game.  Far apart, but together through a group text.  A Tar Heel family, born and bred.

It brought me back to Saturdays and Sundays when we watched the games growing up.  In the younger years my Dad letting my sisters and I put barrettes in his hair to see how long he can keep us entertained by the game.  The days when the only acceptable cursing was "Go to hell Duke" at the end of the Carolina fight song.  As we started playing sports, Erin and I would settle in and do our basketball camp homework by pointing out different skills we learned at camp.  Having to have a say in the conversation, one time I looked at my Dad and said, "That's a hooker!".  My Dad looks at me and explains that it's a hook shot, not to be confused with a hooker. A hooker isn't a word I should use.  There was the loss Kasey and I witnessed in the round of 16 in the NCAA tournament while we were on spring break with Mom in Louisiana.  We watched as our team went to the NCAA tournament multiple times and win the championship in 2005 and 2009.  As Adam Lucas points out in his article "Proud", we are so very lucky we have the opportunity to see our team excel so often.  Of course there is the highlight of going to the UNC-Duke game with my Dad and watching UNC win.  (Thanks Mom for letting me enjoy that!).

Wow, what memories to relive.  So many articles reference how close the Carolina family is and this team is just beginning their journey with this family.  I am so glad that I have my own Carolina family and will (in a very long time) look back and remember the day we all watched the UNC-Villanova game together in 4 different states.  When Erin sent the picture of Dad hiding under the blanket.  When Kasey commented about putting on her old jersey.  When Uncle Mark put his own Louisiana spin on Geaux Tar Heels.  When the jokes rolled about Mom being nervous and going to bed before the second half.

The sun did rise today. As I ran along the orange groves, I looked out at the Carolina blue sky covering the California mountains and remembered that it's always a GDTBATH!

Welcome to the Hotel California

In March I had multiple visitors and enjoyed being able to spend time with all of them.  It was interesting to see how community and visitors had an impact on each other and the meaning of living in community come to light.

First, BFF Laura came and spent four days with me.  The highlight of her visit was going to Disneyland and taking in all the princess and magic.  I love that no matter where we are or how long it's been since I've seen her, I can always count on her to do Jamberrys, eat California Pizza Kitchen, and have incredible music for our road trip.

Second, my parents came on St. Patrick's Day.  This also happens to be my Dad and Ryan's birthday.  We packed a lot in during the 5 day visit, so here are a few highlights.  The first event my parents attended was the HELP of Ojai St. Patrick's Day dinner.  I loved that in their usual fashion, they jumped right in to the serving line and made friends with the people around them.  On Saturday we drove to Los Angeles and had breakfast at Homegirl Cafe, one of the industries operated by Fr. Greg Boyle and Homeboy Industries.  If you have a chance to read his book, Tattoos on the Heart, I highly recommend it for a look at gang life and what people can do with a chance.  The food was delicious and we were greeted by one of the friendliest hosts I've ever met.  We spent time talking to the people running the merchandise shop and they told us a lot of what Fr. Greg and the industries do.  These two were also just promoted, so it was a big congratulations to them!  We followed that with a trip to the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels.  It's a beautiful place and I love the tapestries interwoven with saints and people leading up to the alter.  We stopped and did an olive oil tasting on our road trip to the north on the Pacific Coast Highway.  It's interesting to actually be able to taste the difference in the oils and the guy doing the tasting was great.  I enjoyed introducing my family to the people who have impacted me and giving them a chance to see all I get to do with my time out here.  I also loved being able to catch up on the gossip from back home and have the serious conversations of life over breakfast.

While my parents were here, an old coworker also stopped in on a road trip with his two roommates.  It was great to see Joey, although only briefly, to chat about old times and catch up on how each other and mutual friends are doing.  The three of them were kind enough to treat us to Pete's for breakfast.  It was the first time that we had tried Pete's and I definitely recommend it to others in the Ventura area.  Joey and I forgot to take a picture to send back home, so I got creative and photoshopped a picture of the two of us.

During all of these visitors, it was very interesting to see how community life is different from normal roommates and living with family.  The time I spend away from community was time I noticed.  I felt like I needed to be present in both places.  I also felt a difference in the house and feeling out of sort and disconnected.  I've never been this busy out here on my own, it has always been with others.  Trying to explain to my visitors that I don't have to check in, but I should.  I also don't have to include them in anything, but as a community I felt myself finding ways to incorporate them into the visit.  I was also aware about the money I was spending out of pocket.  I stuck to the budget I set for myself, but have become very aware of costs and necessity.

Advocating for Homelessness

One of the reasons these past few months have been really rewarding at HELP is I've seen two people, whom are incredibly difficult to work with because of mental illness, be housed.  My co-worker Whitney has spent countless and a lot of thankless hours with each of these clients and succeeded in getting them both housed in Ventura County.  Although we like to keep Ojai people in Ojai, with our ever persistent housing crisis it's not possible.

In this same time period I have also worked with someone who has become homeless.  We are using "worked with" and homeless as very loose terms because the person is actually taking advantage of an elderly person.  This person was a tenant and stopped paying rent, but continued to live in the home and take advantage of our client.  The almighty Karen kicked her out and HELP subsidized her rent while we helped her find a new roommate.  In order for our client to survive in her home, she has to have a roommate to afford rent.  The new roommate came in, but so did the old one.  Since we were no longer putting money into the client, we didn't have a say as to whether or not the old roommate could stay.  So she stayed for four months, paying no rent and irritating the new roommate.  Our client and the new roommate decided they wanted her gone and could see the bad in the situation, but couldn't kick her out because of their developed friendship.

Every week the old tenant was on the verge of moving out.  Just one more car repair or test or clean out or whatever situation it was.  It got to the point where the client and the roommate were fed up and wanted her gone.  It was intense and I was playing mediator between the three of them.  Everybody was communicating in twos instead of threes.  The two roommates would talk or the client and one of the roommates.  There were rarely three people conversations.  In the end, we helped the client and new roommate by putting them in touch with a person that could help get rid of the old tenant.

Now what do I do?  I just helped a person become homeless, which is what we try hard to prevent.  Karen told me not to worry.  The old roommate is resourceful and recognizes opportunities that nobody else sees.  I didn't believe her and continued to check in on the situation, but of course Karen is right.  The old tenant had bought a new van in two weeks, which she had been almost buying for three months.  She found a place to park and has water and gas hooks up through organizations she works with.  She is a survivor.

Sometimes it's hard to be an advocate when you can see the good and bad in the situation.  I can see the good the old tenant did in the home, but also know how toxic she was.  I can see why our client liked her, but can also see how she manipulated the client.  I can see how the unwanted roommate was a bonding point for our client and the new roommate, but wonder what will happen now she is gone.  This time I was lucky that it became clearer this was not a good situation and all parties were in agreement.

Random Happenings

Lately my blog has become a "threat" to people to behave or they just might end up in one of my blog post.  I'm using this post to give some shout outs and updates on amusing things that have happened!

I'll start out with the story of one of my clients asking me out. I made the mistake of saying maybe after turning him down, mainly because I felt bad and didn't think it through.  I then turned him down a few more times until I finally told him I had a boyfriend and it wouldn't be appropriate.  I do give him some points for being very persistent.  In the past, another AV had this problem and they came up with the solution of putting a picture of Terri's son on her desk.  After it got rather uncomfortable for me, Karen asked if I would like the picture to put on my desk.  I agreed and when Terri told her son that he was being used again, he replied with, "I hope it's a different picture so the clients don't catch on".  I can almost guarantee that they won't.

On Sunday mornings I am fortunate enough to go to a donation based pop up yoga.  One Sunday Ryan and I were going to mass after yoga, so I brought an outfit I could easily change in to in the parking lot and swung by the house to pick Ryan up for mass.  We both had on our tangerine AV polo shirts and we didn't have time to run in to change so we weren't matching.  As Fr. Leon processes in, he winks at us.  During the homily he talks about the year of mercy and says something along the lines of, "...and you will see two young people in salmon colored shirts who are dedicating a year of their life to service.  Actually, can they stand up." and we stand up with our faces bright red and mortified looks.  We have learned our lesson in coordinating wearing the tangerine polo.

Karen and I enjoy riding bikes on the trail during our lunch break.  We often see clients on the trail and one particular day we see one of our clients that we both really like.  We decide we are going to do something big when we pass him on the trail.  I yell, "On your left!" and Karen yells it as well.  We then repeatedly yell, "On your left!", until he pulls over his bike as we are passing him.  He has a very concerned and slightly angry look on his face as we yell, "HI MR. B!" and continue riding.  We haven't see him in the office since that day.

I am very fortunate in finding a Saturday morning running group consisting of two coworkers and their friends.  Running with them is great because I actually get up to do my long runs for training and they pace me well.  The best part of this running group is the coffee afterwards.  It's typically the people who run and anybody else that shows up afterwards.  The group is very fun and lively.  I have learned about a range of things, including what is going on in Ojai, medical talk, about their families, reasons why couples go on separate vacations, plastic surgery, and the attractive woman that sells some sort of slow cooker (I was laughing so hard, I missed some of the details of the story).  I am thankful for this group, especially because they give me a piece of home that I didn't realize I missed so much.  When living in Durham, my parents would invite me over when their friends came over for whatever and I feel I learned the same type of life lessons.

Service to All

It's easier for me to be sympathetic towards most of HELP of Ojai's clients and do my best to show appreciation for what they offer us.  Some have a checkered past and/or are mentally ill, but this has never caused me to feel like I couldn't be kind or has made me question my helping them.

This all changed when a new couple came into our office to sign up for homeless services.  I went through the protocol with the new clients and set up a meeting for the next day.  Like I do for all of our clients, I researched them for arrest records and found that one of them had been arrested for a hate crime and was (possibly still is) a part of a white supremacy gang.  It made me sick to my stomach that I just helped and defended the person to my boss.  This person stands for everything I don't.  This person stands against the foundation of my beliefs and the ones I hold closest to my heart.  This person that believes that hate is greater than love.  How am I supposed to help them at their appointment the next day?

I searched for feedback and looked at the way I treated my clients the rest of the day.  No problem helping them and didn't feel like I was going to break into a speech of love is greater than hate to any of them.  I asked Karen about it and we talked about why we offer our services and reminded me that I don't know the whole story.  There are several years between the conviction and now, so there is a possible change of heart and growth.  This bit of hope is helpful as I continue to process how the meeting will go in the morning.

I called Francis in San Diego because he works with a similar population and ask his advice.  He brings up multiple good points, but the one that sticks with me is I can't unlearn the information. I think about how I treated this human before I knew about the hate crime and gang affiliation.  I know I can treat him with respect and dignity, I did it before and can do it again.

After all of this worry, the couple doesn't show up to their appointment.  I'm angry because of the amount of time I allowed them to take up in my thoughts and conversations.  I'm angry because I was ready to accept their challenge and make their case management work.  I'm angry because I need to believe that people can change and love is always greater than hate.  I found plenty of challenges to face this past week and know that there will be something waiting for me almost every day at HELP. I know that people can change and see struggles that are overcome in other clients.  I know that love is always greater than hate when I look into the community around me and see the people that care for each other through all the circumstances that were given to us this week. 

Attachment and Rules

The impact that could be made with endless money and resources is profound.  If you were the one with the money and resources, would you make conditions on using them or are they free to everyone?  Is there a limit on how much one person can take?  If you take something, do you have to give something back in return?

I obviously don't volunteer in a world with endless money and resources, especially since my service site is a small non-profit.  A lot of our programs come with attachments because we choose to use case management with our clients.  Our case management includes setting goals, mapping out how to reach those goals, tasks the client completes to help reach their goals, budgets for any income, and scheduled check-ins with a case manager.  The client and the caseworker sign an agreement about case management and what each party is responsible for.  Our clients know we are not asking them to be perfect, but we do ask them to try and to communicate.  If the client is going to miss a scheduled check-in, we ask that he or she calls to cancel.  If homework that we give him or her is not going well, we try to work on it together.

There are consequences for clients that don't follow through and/or communicate.  As a case manager, I don't want to see anyone fail.  I want to have the resources, money, time, willpower, and whatever else it takes to see each person that comes into our office succeed.  Life doesn't work that way, but what I do have are rules or "attachments" that need to be followed.  It's hard to tell a client they can't get a lunch because they missed their appointment and didn't call. It's hard to brush off their anger towards you and not take it personally.  It's easy to give in and say, "Just this one time," but that doesn't teach the client anything except they don't have to follow through.  When the client does reach their goal of getting medical insurance, the doctor is not going to see them when they walk in 48 hours late to their appointment without rescheduling.  When the client reaches their goal of finding a job, they have to be on time and show up when they are supposed to.   It's fantastic when you see your clients reach their major goals, but it's also great to see them learn new skills and grow as a person on the journey.

REPOST: A Bittersweet Symphony

This is a repost from when I wrote the Augustinian Volunteer Blog Post:

How do you find God in greed, hurt and pain?  When people go without and have nothing?  When people mistreat the system that is built to help them?  In mental illness?  In a community that is either ill-informed or ignoring a housing crisis?

This is the bittersweet struggle I go through at HELP of Ojai.  HELP is a non-profit in the Ojai Valley that works to meet the basic needs of the homeless, low-income and seniors.  It's easy for me to talk about and pray for my family and friends, my community and the AVs, and what's going on in the world.  How do I begin to pray for all the struggles that people have right in front of me?  After the initial response of, "HELP is good", I find myself struggling to elaborate.  Many people don't want to hear about the struggles of the mentally ill, the homeless and housing problem in Ojai, and how irritating is to sit on hold for 45 minutes with medi-CAL to be told they can't help you in under two minutes.  It's also probably not appropriate to describe your service site as a “hot mess express” and yourself as the conductor of the train. Or the reality that you are running after the train because the same client has come in at 11:55 when we close for lunch at 12:00.  I find myself frustrated, tired, and my head swimming with what if, what about, and what the hell.

I wonder if there is hope for my clients.  I try to understand that keeping an appointment can be a miracle, remembering paperwork is sometimes an act of God, and goals are a foreign concept.  I need to remember to explain why we set goals and to keep the goals achievable.  I can't get on my high horse and try to remember the refocusing techniques we went over during our morning staff meeting. The first goal I suggest is finding one AA meeting, a second is updating a resume, and a third of following up on paperwork to get an ID so you might be able to find a job if your sobriety is going well.  By the way, when was the last time you had a drink?

I often leave work wondering where my day went and go over the list of things we are doing as a community that night.  My head typically spins, and I consider canceling all our friendships.  Just kidding, that would be awful!  What would be better is if we use our grocery money to order takeout every night so we don't have to worry about cooking.  Speaking of dinner, was I supposed to go to the grocery store tonight? Can time stop for ten minutes for me to process my day?

Compassion; that's where I find God.  Compassion in my heart for a life I can only begin to understand and for choices I never had to make.  Understanding; that's where I find God.  Not a complete understanding, but a small glimpse of how living with a mental illness can be life controlling and disconnecting.  An understanding of the importance of listening and the equal importance of feeling like you are being heard.  Community; that's where I find God.  When I see anonymous donors make a difference in the life of someone, as angel wings hide underneath their jacket.  In the homeless community as they protect their most vulnerable from harm by looking after them in the shelter and on the streets.  Joy; that's where I find God.  When someone is able to find housing, a utility grant drops, or health insurance is obtained.  In remembrance; that's where I find God.  When people talk about the recently housed homeless man that died and how much they miss him and his spirit.  How we should all try a little harder to embody him.

Questioning hope and having to find ways to seek God in hard situations has made it easier for me to see the blessings around me.  I am able to enjoy God more in bike rides, on hikes, the view at yoga, in conversations with others, in my AV community, Sundays at mass, and in the quiet of my heart when I find peace with my mistakes.  So how do I begin?  I start as Mother Teresa said to, one by one.

The Times They Are a Changin'

February started a new chapter at the CAP office with only two caseworkers and an intern (ME!).  It was a whirlwind week of learning for me and I am sharing a few lessons with you.

Lesson One: Do your research.

Help of Ojai has a small, one time monthly rental assistance for clients who are sustainable.  There is an application process and we do our best to vet the person through references and their landlord.  We work with the person on their budget for the future and try to find ways to make cuts, like through utility assistance and our food boxes.  My first vibes from my applicant was I thought this was a perfect person for the program.  As it went on, I was doing my best to hurry and missed a few signs that maybe it wasn't the best applicant and I told the applicant we would most likely fund her.  Most likely in her mind turned to you will fund me, a rookie mistake of telling the client too much before it was finalized.  When it was all said and done, Karen commented that this was a time I should have reigned me in a little to fully look at the situation a second time.

Lesson Two: I hate mice.

We have taken full advantage of doing some early spring cleaning during this time of change.  In the process we have realized we have a mice issue.  THANKFULLY! the mice are not anywhere near the food boxes because those rooms are properly sealed.  Unfortunately, that means the mice are in our office space.  It started with finding a mouse house in a box.  That led to me finding a mouse in a mouse trap that had been sitting there for a VERY long time.  I didn't know whether to cry or vomit and had to step outside.  The exterminator has set out traps and our wonderful volunteer handyman has gotten to work.  A second mouse was caught in a trap (yay!), but I need to talk to the exterminator about not parading it around the office in a bag.

Lesson Three: Make a checklist.

I love checklists because it keeps me organized and makes me feel accomplished.  With so much going on, I need to be better organized with my clients and projects  It also keeps me productive and less forgetful!

Lesson Four: Community makes it better.

It is confirmed that if I ever become a teacher, I would teach middle school.  When coaching, they were always my favorite age group (if we were allowed to have favorites!) because they were hilarious, fun, hadn't realized what was too much information for adults to have, and talkative.  We have eight 7th graders come from a local school to help us clean up.  They worked hard, asked great questions, and talked to all of us.  Seeing their enthusiasm for their first assignments was refreshing and seeing their horror of asking them to clean out a fridge was hysterical.  They did it all  and it was refreshing to see how they worked in their own community and integrated into our community.

Lesson Five: What's the most you can do?

To end the week, we had someone drop off a lost and confused person at our office and leave her there.  The woman who dropped her off promised to be back at 2:00PM to drive the woman to Fresno, CA.

I interviewed the woman earlier in the morning and she could tell me her name and that she was trying to get to her aunt's house in Fresno.  She said she had been in Ojai since December and she had been living on the streets. Nobody from the community knew who she was and I couldn't get any more information from her.

The woman that dropped her off never came back to pick her up.  This puts me in an awkward situation when I have to tell this very confused woman that there is no ride to Fresno.  It was really hard to tell her that we couldn't give her anything except information.  We told her about the homeless shelter and advised her to check with some of the churches around town if she wanted to try to get a bus fare to Fresno.  Between Karen and I, we were able to give her fare to get to Ventura.  The bus fare was the most that we could do, as neither of us can afford to pay for her to go to Fresno.

It's hard to accept that sometimes the most you can do, doesn't feel that it's enough.  It's also a good reminder that even when we have cases like this, we have to stick to our policies and mission as a non-profit.  It's not our mission to to save everyone, but we can do our best by giving them information that can help them.

Funky Pants, Pizza, Surprises, and Movies: A short Birthday Post

Everyone knows that I love my Birthday and I tend to celebrate it for an extended amount of time.  With deepest sincerity, I would like to thank everyone for making my first West Coast birthday extra special.

I loved I was able to Skype with my parents and sisters.  My parents looked up my birth time and told me that I looked Asian due to a lot of jet black hair when I was born.  This hair turned bleach blonde soon after and I looked bald for awhile.  My sisters stayed up until 11:00PM EST to do a group Skype and made me laugh, per usual.

At Help of Ojai we have restarted a fantastic tradition of funky pants Friday.  My parents and a coworker have contributed to my funky pants collection, making it much easier to not have to save my one pair of funky pants for Friday.

My community members were real troopers.  They endured the excitement of my birthday and the not so excitement as well.  We went out for pizza with our Augustinian Ventura supervisors (is that the correct name for them??), whom we meet with every Friday.  As a community, we watched the first Harry Potter movie with Bertie Botts Every Flavored Beans and Chocolate Fizzing Wizzbees from my sister.  The next night they didn't kill me after I said, "We can cancel the party, I'm cold and tired," after waking up from a nap before the party.  I also claimed I didn't have a thing to wear.  My community members also arranged a surprise for San Diego to come up.  It made me so happy to see them and incredibly grateful for my community.

On Sunday, we watched movies all day.  I started with San Diego and my community, but met a coworker to watch the movie Taxi in Ojai.  Taxi is about a "cab" driver in Iran and I recommend it to most people for a glimpse of another culture.

Cheers to 27 and thank you for all your love!

My Dad Reminded Me I Have a Blog

I swear, I meant to write.  I had plans for an Adopt A Family post, Christmas time in California, North Carolina travel, midyear retreat and coming back to Ventura.  Here is a brief summary of all of those and thank you to my Dad for reminding me I have a blog.

Help of Ojai's Adopt A Family (AAF) project went pretty well.  It was a lot of hard work to go into one project and being able to see the end result was rewarding. I started working on AAF in September by creating spreadsheets and changing all the materials we use to the year 2015.  Families that met the criteria to be adopted started signing up in early October.  November was spent matching adoptees with adoptors.  At the beginning of December the adoptors dropped the gifts off and the next week the adoptees came and picked the gifts up.  The gifts were dropped off and picked up at Help of Ojai's West Campus, which is different from where I normally work.  I enjoyed the interactions with the people whom I don't normally work directly with and seeing the hard work they do.  Like the Thanksgiving baskets, I enjoyed working with everyone in the community.  Businesses, families, neighborhoods and churches are a few examples of groups that were generous enough to adopt a family in need.  A lot of places in the community continued to do food drives for Help of Ojai, which helps sustain our pantry for part of the year.  My favorite AAF story from this year was a family from Ventura that called and asked about adopting a family.  They used to live in Ojai and moved to Ventura when the Dad found a better job.  Since they have a stable income and are doing better, the family decided to give back and adopt a family from the same program that had helped them in the past.

Christmas in California was warm and we were surrounded by a lot of friends.  We went caroling with a teacher from Villanova Prep, her family and neighbors in Camarillo.  We attended a Christmas Party at Villanova Prep and socialized with the faculty and staff.  We went bowling with a large group of people from both schools.  We decorated the house with Christmas lights, stockings and a fake Christmas tree.  We had an advent wreath that we lit during prayers and some meals.  We are very blessed to live in a place that remembers we were away from home during the Christmas season.

North Carolina was cloudy and rainy for most of my visit.  I enjoyed running around and seeing family and friends all over North Carolina.  I appreciated everyone taking the time out of their busy holiday schedule to hangout and eat.  I especially enjoyed the time I got to spend with my family and appreciate them sharing cars, driving me around and appeasing me.  A special thanks to Laura for going with me to Wilmington to drop off an application for school.

After Christmas break the Augustinian Volunteers met in Ocean City, NJ for a midyear retreat. It was really nice to see everyone and hear what and how they were doing.  We were also able to check-in with ourselves and community to prepare for the next part of the year.  Just like in August, it was hard to leave and go to our respective sites after a great few days together.

At Help of Ojai we have some changes coming and new projects to work on.  I am looking forward to learning more about working in the community and enjoying my time in California.