Last Day Thoughts

Here is my last HELP of Ojai Community Bulletin write up, but not my last blog post!

As I reflect on my internship at the HELP of Ojai Community Assistance Program (CAP) I think of how hard it is to leave this community. I am forever grateful to everyone for the welcome I received and the relationships that were built through this program.  I have enjoyed working daily in the office as a case manager, as well as the major projects of the Thanksgiving Boxes, Holiday Adopt-A-Family Project and Ojai Food Project.  You all have taught me many lessons I will take with me and am sharing with you the three I feel are most important.

1. You cannot make decisions for anyone else.  As clients came into the office to ask for help, I quickly realized it was not my decision on what each one did or did not do.  It was not my role to take control of their lives, but to assist and help as each one tried taking steps to helping themselves.  I helped fill out the paperwork, but it’s the clients’ choice to mail the application and comeback with follow-up paperwork.  The hardest part of this lesson came in advocating for clients in the medical field, as I tried to bridge the gap between medical professionals and clients.  Having to explain to the doctor why the plan they laid out will not work for a homeless client, while at the same time explaining to the client how they will have to be willing to do things differently got frustrating when nobody wanted to compromise.

2. People can tell when you are being sincere.  Whether I was assisting in handing out lunches to our homeless clients or doing an intake for Adopt-A-Family, I learned that to reach people you have to be sincere in your actions and words.  People can tell if you want to actually hear how they are doing or if it just a formality that you go through when someone sits down at the desk.  It was important for me to convey to every client that I was sincere in helping them and their responses were good reminders for me to check my words and actions while in their presence.

3.  A community can lift you up.  I have seen countless examples of this community lifting each other up.  In grief I have seen people comforting and reassuring each other that they can work through this together.  During Adopt-A-Family I had the pleasure in calling clients that were on the waiting list because donors continued to come forward to help families in need during the holiday season.  I have answered too many phone calls to count of friends calling to report on other friends because they were concerned about them.

Thank you again for being a part of my experience and I hope that our paths will cross soon!

When Buying Cigarettes Made My Day

HELP of Ojai has been working with a client that has had unstable housing for the past two months.  This client has recently broken a bone and cannot be living on the street due to the where the bone is and the amount of pain it causes.  Several housing opportunities in Ojai and other cities have come and gone due to uncontrollable circumstances and the client ended up back at the CAP Office yesterday.

After spending the day getting immediate needs met, including a very important doctor's appointment, we sent the client to where he would be staying for the night.  The next day we thought we would be able to set the wheels in motion for this client to get into skilled nursing on Friday, but in the afternoon we started making phone calls to the different agencies and found that nothing had happened.  The release form signed the previous day was the wrong one and skilled nursing couldn't get the right information from the doctor's office.  The doctor's office didn't let the client or us know that another form had to be signed, so we were in the same spot as the day before and looking at at least one night of homelessness.

Frustration sets in and we do everything that is asked of us to help move forward.  At the small recap we had at the office afterwards, question after question was of why.  Why did doctor's office not give us the correct release form?  Why did nobody contact us when they found a new release form needed to be signed?  Why did they not have the client sign the release form at the doctor's appointment the day before?  Why, why, why?

During all this we acted professional, but tried to convey the importance and urgency of the situation.  Karen describes it as being a kind pit bull.  I love this terminology because you want to be a strong advocate for your client, but you also don't want to hinder them by making people angry and not wanting to help you.

So on my way to pick up our client to bring him to the doctor's office, I stop and get him two packs of cigarettes.  I know! I know! I don't endorse this, but now is not the time to talk about quitting.  As I purchase the cigarettes (legal age is 18 until next month) and the guy asks for my ID.  I give it to him and he looks at it and puzzles over it.  He then says, "Wow, I would have never guessed!".  Praise, praise!  So in the middle of all the whys and being a kind pit bull, I figured out how buying cigarettes can make my day.

No Words Can Describe Joshua Tree

I apologize for how terrible this post is.  No words can describe the beauty of Joshua Tree and the overwhelming feeling this place brought me.

This past weekend my community had the opportunity to experience Joshua Tree National Park.  It was incredible!  The scenery during the day and at night is indescribable.

We drove in at night, the sky covered in stars.  It was hard to keep my eyes on the road because I wanted to keep looking out and up.  The road was so dark while driving, that often times I felt like I was driving into a black hole and wouldn't realize the road was dipping down.  The sky was opposite of the black hole driving.  The stars were numerous and bright.  They lit up and cast shadows on the surrounding area, as if all the Joshua Trees we passed were alive.

Having driven into camp at night, waking up and seeing the sun, boulders, and sky took my breath away.  I couldn't believe the vastness of the land.  The rock mountains stretched all around and were directly behind our campsites.  There were numerous trails to hike and I wish I could've spent at least a week there to do them all.  We did a short hike in the morning, but it ended up taking awhile because you are able to climb the rocks/boulders/mountains.

The fellowship of the trip made it that much more enjoyable for everyone.  Karen and Paula deserve the biggest shout out for organizing and putting everything together.  It was nice to spend time with people from work in a more relaxed setting.  It was great to talk with former AV and HELP intern Bridget, along with all the friends that she brought with her.

I am so thankful to be in a place that allows us to have new experiences that rejuvenate the soul and outlook on life.

Disappointment Has a Name, It's Heartbreak

I have been working with a client for the past few months that is an alcoholic. Most of it has been great.  He is a very honest person, always lets me know where he stands, and doesn't give me a lot of bull shit or excuses for his behavior. I appreciate all of that.

When he first started coming to HELP of Ojai again, he straight up told me he had no intention of stopping drinking. He had tried all the programs and hated them, he had tried cold turkey before, he had managed to stay sober for a few months one time, but when it was said and done he wasn't going to stop drinking. We set goals dealing with other issues and talked about the consequences of him
showing up to the office drunk. Although he missed a few appointments and got stuck in other cities twice, he always reappeared and worked towards his other goals.

One day he came in and said he stopped drinking cold turkey. Although I was incredibly proud of him for his decision, it's also very dangerous for your body to go through withdraw and you should be under medical care to help manage side effects. Every time he came in the entire office congratulated him on a job well done. He was staying sober through a lot of pain, we were impressed. He was putting his ego aside and acknowledging the struggles he was going through. He was turning down alcohol at the place he was staying, making decisions to leave the house early to not be tempted. We made follow-up doctor's appointments, continued to talk about his other goals, and planned for his upcoming probation hearing.

He told me if he got probation, he would opt to go to jail for the 60 days. I 100% agreed and prayed that he would get 60 days in jail. That would have been 60 days of not sleeping on the streets or in a place that was covered in temptation. That would have been 60 days away from all his friends that did nothing to encourage his soberness. That would have been 60 days where he could have focused on himself. I never thought I would pray so much for someone to go to jail.

18 days. That's how long he lasted sober. He thought he was going to jail and had a drink with breakfast. I tried to hide my disappointment on my face and tell him how much I appreciate his honesty. My heartbreaks when I see how he is acting differently. The neuro cognitive problems that alcoholism causes are present. We have a brief chat, as I know he can't handle a lot at that moment. We continue to keep our doctor's appointments for this week. I find myself adding on prayers of not
only strength and healing for him, but ones of memory and not drinking before the appointment. I rack my brain for what I could have done better as a case manager and make notes for next time. I research all that I can about alcoholism and neuro cognitive function. I gently remind myself that I am not the choice maker, this is not about me. My disappointment and heartbreak is for me, while my positivity, tough love, and encouragement are for him.

Becoming Old

Everyone deals with becoming old differently.  Some people do it with a smile, others are grouchy, many face types or stages of dementia, and there are a lot of awful illnesses and responsibility that comes with becoming old.

One of my favorite client's is constantly teaching me how to survive life with a sense of humor and snappy wit.  He has a major health problem and knows he is dying.  He does his best to keep the small amount of health he has left by exercising daily and continuing to be engaged in life.

He tells us stories about the old days of Ojai and his experience of living in the area most of his life.  He shares his whole self with us and never misses an opportunity to crack a joke.  He is always honest about how he is feeling; telling us he feels okay, but would like to trade in his body or that it's been a terrible morning and he's ready to be taken out by a truck.  He complains about the pains of getting old, with a quick smile and tip of his hat to us.  He is gracious in the help he receives and never overlooks an opportunity to talk about all the wonderful people that are in his life.

My favorite times with him are when he takes the rare opportunity to brag about himself.  He is a very talented artist and has been in shows around the world.  He has been featured in books, magazines and newspapers.  Every once in awhile I will catch the glimmer in his eyes when he is about to show me something incredible. Sometimes it is an article about him that someone saved for him, other times it's a painting he wants to show off that he did 50 years ago or 2 months ago.

He truly is a gem and I am so thankful that I have him as a constant reminder that I can't take life seriously.  After all, nobody gets out of it alive.

The Sun Will Rise

The final shot falls through the net and my heart stops.  I couldn't speak, I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything.  It was a heartbreaker and I could barely watch the TV as they show the devastated and defeated looks of Paige, Johnson, and the rest of the UNC team.  I loved this team and have the utmost respect for the players and coaches.  It has been a rough few years in Chapel Hill and these boys toughed it out when many wouldn't or didn't.  It was not supposed to end this way for them.  I was supposed to see my team cut down the nets.  I was supposed to see my team smiling ear to ear.  I was supposed to see my team with the last shot on One Shining Moment. My Dad reminded us all that tomorrow the sun will rise.  

The sun will rise in Cary, NC.  The sun will rise in Atlanta, GA.  The sun will rise in Denham Springs, LA.  The sun will rise in Ventura, CA.  These were all the locations my family watched the game.  Far apart, but together through a group text.  A Tar Heel family, born and bred.

It brought me back to Saturdays and Sundays when we watched the games growing up.  In the younger years my Dad letting my sisters and I put barrettes in his hair to see how long he can keep us entertained by the game.  The days when the only acceptable cursing was "Go to hell Duke" at the end of the Carolina fight song.  As we started playing sports, Erin and I would settle in and do our basketball camp homework by pointing out different skills we learned at camp.  Having to have a say in the conversation, one time I looked at my Dad and said, "That's a hooker!".  My Dad looks at me and explains that it's a hook shot, not to be confused with a hooker. A hooker isn't a word I should use.  There was the loss Kasey and I witnessed in the round of 16 in the NCAA tournament while we were on spring break with Mom in Louisiana.  We watched as our team went to the NCAA tournament multiple times and win the championship in 2005 and 2009.  As Adam Lucas points out in his article "Proud", we are so very lucky we have the opportunity to see our team excel so often.  Of course there is the highlight of going to the UNC-Duke game with my Dad and watching UNC win.  (Thanks Mom for letting me enjoy that!).

Wow, what memories to relive.  So many articles reference how close the Carolina family is and this team is just beginning their journey with this family.  I am so glad that I have my own Carolina family and will (in a very long time) look back and remember the day we all watched the UNC-Villanova game together in 4 different states.  When Erin sent the picture of Dad hiding under the blanket.  When Kasey commented about putting on her old jersey.  When Uncle Mark put his own Louisiana spin on Geaux Tar Heels.  When the jokes rolled about Mom being nervous and going to bed before the second half.

The sun did rise today. As I ran along the orange groves, I looked out at the Carolina blue sky covering the California mountains and remembered that it's always a GDTBATH!

Welcome to the Hotel California

In March I had multiple visitors and enjoyed being able to spend time with all of them.  It was interesting to see how community and visitors had an impact on each other and the meaning of living in community come to light.

First, BFF Laura came and spent four days with me.  The highlight of her visit was going to Disneyland and taking in all the princess and magic.  I love that no matter where we are or how long it's been since I've seen her, I can always count on her to do Jamberrys, eat California Pizza Kitchen, and have incredible music for our road trip.

Second, my parents came on St. Patrick's Day.  This also happens to be my Dad and Ryan's birthday.  We packed a lot in during the 5 day visit, so here are a few highlights.  The first event my parents attended was the HELP of Ojai St. Patrick's Day dinner.  I loved that in their usual fashion, they jumped right in to the serving line and made friends with the people around them.  On Saturday we drove to Los Angeles and had breakfast at Homegirl Cafe, one of the industries operated by Fr. Greg Boyle and Homeboy Industries.  If you have a chance to read his book, Tattoos on the Heart, I highly recommend it for a look at gang life and what people can do with a chance.  The food was delicious and we were greeted by one of the friendliest hosts I've ever met.  We spent time talking to the people running the merchandise shop and they told us a lot of what Fr. Greg and the industries do.  These two were also just promoted, so it was a big congratulations to them!  We followed that with a trip to the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels.  It's a beautiful place and I love the tapestries interwoven with saints and people leading up to the alter.  We stopped and did an olive oil tasting on our road trip to the north on the Pacific Coast Highway.  It's interesting to actually be able to taste the difference in the oils and the guy doing the tasting was great.  I enjoyed introducing my family to the people who have impacted me and giving them a chance to see all I get to do with my time out here.  I also loved being able to catch up on the gossip from back home and have the serious conversations of life over breakfast.

While my parents were here, an old coworker also stopped in on a road trip with his two roommates.  It was great to see Joey, although only briefly, to chat about old times and catch up on how each other and mutual friends are doing.  The three of them were kind enough to treat us to Pete's for breakfast.  It was the first time that we had tried Pete's and I definitely recommend it to others in the Ventura area.  Joey and I forgot to take a picture to send back home, so I got creative and photoshopped a picture of the two of us.

During all of these visitors, it was very interesting to see how community life is different from normal roommates and living with family.  The time I spend away from community was time I noticed.  I felt like I needed to be present in both places.  I also felt a difference in the house and feeling out of sort and disconnected.  I've never been this busy out here on my own, it has always been with others.  Trying to explain to my visitors that I don't have to check in, but I should.  I also don't have to include them in anything, but as a community I felt myself finding ways to incorporate them into the visit.  I was also aware about the money I was spending out of pocket.  I stuck to the budget I set for myself, but have become very aware of costs and necessity.