Service to All

It's easier for me to be sympathetic towards most of HELP of Ojai's clients and do my best to show appreciation for what they offer us.  Some have a checkered past and/or are mentally ill, but this has never caused me to feel like I couldn't be kind or has made me question my helping them.

This all changed when a new couple came into our office to sign up for homeless services.  I went through the protocol with the new clients and set up a meeting for the next day.  Like I do for all of our clients, I researched them for arrest records and found that one of them had been arrested for a hate crime and was (possibly still is) a part of a white supremacy gang.  It made me sick to my stomach that I just helped and defended the person to my boss.  This person stands for everything I don't.  This person stands against the foundation of my beliefs and the ones I hold closest to my heart.  This person that believes that hate is greater than love.  How am I supposed to help them at their appointment the next day?

I searched for feedback and looked at the way I treated my clients the rest of the day.  No problem helping them and didn't feel like I was going to break into a speech of love is greater than hate to any of them.  I asked Karen about it and we talked about why we offer our services and reminded me that I don't know the whole story.  There are several years between the conviction and now, so there is a possible change of heart and growth.  This bit of hope is helpful as I continue to process how the meeting will go in the morning.

I called Francis in San Diego because he works with a similar population and ask his advice.  He brings up multiple good points, but the one that sticks with me is I can't unlearn the information. I think about how I treated this human before I knew about the hate crime and gang affiliation.  I know I can treat him with respect and dignity, I did it before and can do it again.

After all of this worry, the couple doesn't show up to their appointment.  I'm angry because of the amount of time I allowed them to take up in my thoughts and conversations.  I'm angry because I was ready to accept their challenge and make their case management work.  I'm angry because I need to believe that people can change and love is always greater than hate.  I found plenty of challenges to face this past week and know that there will be something waiting for me almost every day at HELP. I know that people can change and see struggles that are overcome in other clients.  I know that love is always greater than hate when I look into the community around me and see the people that care for each other through all the circumstances that were given to us this week.